How to be unapologetic- Small town, big tips

In elementary school, all of the kids looked forward to dress-up days. I'm sure everyone remembers the excitement of putting on a costume of their favorite book character or a silly hat for crazy hair day. My favorite of the themes? Future career day. Every year it was the same. With a black blazer and sketchpad (of course), topped off with big black sunglasses.

Fashion Designer.

Those were practically my first words. From the moment I gained consciousness, I saw my future, and oh, was it bright. I told everyone that one day I would become a fashion designer, and while my original plans involved me moving to Paris, I never strayed.

With all of the certainty and confidence in my ambition, I was still met with the same close-minded questions.

How is that going to make any money?

Better marry rich.

It got old quickly. Really quickly.

As I got older, and most notably when I started high school, I continued to find myself isolated as none of my peers understood, nor wanted to talk about anything I was interested. Friends were made with a different persona, all of my hobbies were now only done in silence, and I started doubting myself as well as my abilities.

My high school was in Madison, Wisconsin, the capital of the state, populated by minivans and farmers' markets. The visual arts program was widely underfunded, and only classic oil painters were given recognition for their work. During the galleries or showcases, my work was placed at the back, or in most cases, not shown at all. When I announced I got into Parsons, my painting teacher laughed at first.

So it's not an exaggeration to say there was no place for me to fit in truly. I stayed for the most part practicing my craft in secret. I had to come to terms with myself and who I was, as well as what I was good at. Though it might seem small to others, it took me years, and continues to be something I struggle with to this day.

With all this being said, here are three things that got me through self-isolation.

Clothes. Most obviously, your clothes are a way to express yourself, something I wrote about before. My outfits were my confessional, every occasion allowed me a new outlet. No matter where I was going, who I was with, I was able to add something that made the experience feel a little more like me. Even in the most subtle ways, maybe just by adding another necklace or a printed belt, dressing up always made me feel better.

Media. If you can't find the same types of people around you, find them within books, movies, and TV shows. Maybe entirely superficial and a sign of dangerous overconsumption, but if you can't find it in real life, I can assure you there is something else you can dive into and get lost in. Learning as much as you can about as many different things as you can is not only life's greatest gift, but also makes you realize how big the world truly is.

Honestly, it might seem crazy, but Pinterest boards. This is where true consumption and hyper fixation truly come into play. Making oddly specific boards based on curated daydreams became an entirely new form of therapy and allowed me to bring what I had in my mind to life.

In the end, I survived. I got out. Every day I get closer to making my dreams come true. Who do I have to thank? That little girl with her big sunglasses.